hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
