We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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