apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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