Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
