I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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