my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
