Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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