yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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