you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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