I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
