I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
