Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
