There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
