we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
