All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
