So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
