Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
