omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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