that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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