I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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