does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
