That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
