I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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