You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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