I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
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Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
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This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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