I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
