What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
