Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
