hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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