I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
