Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
