Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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