Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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