i jhust puked up my retainher.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
