The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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