Just took my morning after pill in the library
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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