ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
