I showed him my bush... on skype.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
