yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
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How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
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It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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