This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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