she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
