he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
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My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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