Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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