Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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