Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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