I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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