he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
