You can't motorboat a personality
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
