just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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