Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
