i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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