I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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