I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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