thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
not ubering you a puppy
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
