Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
