sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
