Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
