Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
